In this blog I would like help you awaken to some tools of self reflection so that you can begin to THRIVE in the area of sexual happiness rather than just exist and believe that ‘this is just the way it is supposed to be’.
Louise Hay using a wonderful concept called Mirror Work to awaken any unconscious beliefs that we have about ourselves. What this means is that every area in your life albeit work, family, relationships or sex is a reflection of conditioned limiting beliefs that we have about ourselves and our worth. These areas are mirrors into your soul to bring into awareness where you are currently not honour who you are and what you need.
Imagine for a second that you feel sex is boring or that you are not being honoured in the bedroom. If we use the idea mentioned above, we would now ask the question, “How do you feel about your own value and your own worth? Are you honouring your OWN NEEDS? Do you feel that you or your life is boring?
Your thoughts and feelings around sex, I believe, are a reflection of unconscious belief systems that you have picked up from society. They are not the true expressions of your soul but the imitated opinions of those around you or defence mechanisms that were invented to protect you from feeling pain. If you give yourself permission to truly think about how you TRULY feel about sex, not how society has taught you how to feel about sex, but really give yourself the opportunity to ask what do you really need to make yourself happier firstly in your own life and then secondly in the area of sex and your sexual (feminine or masculine) expression outside the bedroom. Now that you have done this, are you becoming more aware of the idea that a great deal of what you think about sex comes from the head (which is your conditioned views e.g. your parents, religion, culture) and not from your soul (the authentic expression of who you are). Are your thoughts around sex really your OWN or are they reactions to your conditioned views?
Let’s talk about the belief system that you ‘shouldn’t’ be having sex before marriage. Before we do, remember that as you do one thing so you do everything. As yourself, who told you to believe this? In this instance, every time you have sex with someone outside of marriage you won’t be living in the present, in the moment, you will be living in the past (bringing the words you heard in the past into your present moment). You are also likely to also be living in the future (the fear of judgement or what will happen to you if you do have sex). You are not living in the present moment.
What is amazing about living in the present moment is that this is where our true power comes from. When we live in the present moment we truly connect with the divine within us. To truly be in the moment means to not be caught up in feelings like anger and resentment (which means you are being influenced by things that happened to you in the past) or fear and guilt (which is from the future).
If you feel that you are constantly initiating or that your partner isn’t enjoying it as much as you are, ask yourself, “Is this about me or is this about my partner?” How do you feel about yourself and your life? What is this situation reflecting about your own views of yourself in your life? Do you feel that you are alone and that you often have to ‘do’ or ‘give’? Do you feel that others don’t seem to understand you or feel the same as you do about things and this makes you feel ‘not good’ enough and that there is maybe something wrong with you? If you feel that your partner isn’t honouring you, where are you not honouring yourself?
Take a moment to make a list of all the thoughts you have about sex and ask yourself which of these belief systems are actually about how I feel about myself and not about sex? Of course there are two people in your relationship but today we are looking at your own healing and happiness and creating a space where you create the sex life of your dreams. So, if you look at the person you are in a relationship ask yourself what they are reflecting back at you about how you feel about your own worth. Are they reflecting back love, acceptance and worthiness? If they are not reflecting this back at you, ask yourself in which areas of my life so I not feel this about myself.
At the heart of who you are is someone who is good enough, who is worthy, is whole and who is complete, someone who doesn’t need someone else to make us feel worthy and whole but this is what we do do. We look outside of ourselves to others to make us feel good enough and worthy. When actually, we are the ones who are responsible for honouring, valuing and accepting ALL of who we are. So if you do want a sex life that you TRULY, TRULY love you have to start TRULY, TRULY loving and embracing ALL of who you are!
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